What Are Death Cafes?

Death Cafes are an international phenomenon. Since Jon Underwood launched them in 2011 in London their inception in 2011 in London, England, hosts have held them in 93 countries. Death Cafe Host Lizzy Miles brought them to the US in 2011. Jon Underwood built these meetings based on the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz. Jon Underwood died in 2017. Since then, a league of volunteers has taken over the administration of the non-profit movement to honor Jon’s vision by keeping his legacy alive.

The people who attend Death Cafes lead the discussion rooted in the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of dying and death. They aim “to increase awareness of death to help people make the most of their finite lives.” The key to a successful event is to allow the free flow of conversation without any expectations, agendas, themes, or promotions.

Volunteers host Death Cafes at no cost, following guidelines that ensure inclusivity for all attendees.. These guidelines include no intention of leading participants to any conclusion, product, or course of action. Hosts also agree to keep the meetings open, respectful, and confidential so participants can express their views safely. Hosts may solicit donations to pay for facilitation costs. Finally, Death Cafes require refreshments!

My Journey Hosting Death Discussions

I’ve been hosting monthly Death Cafes since June 2020. The COVID-19 pandemic mandate that shut down in-person gatherings required my local in-person meetings to pivot to an online format. My cohosts were long-time hosts, Frank Stefano and Dr Mitsuo Tomita (retired). Together, we managed to get the word out that our Death Cafe was up and running. I continue to host the San Diego Virtual Death Cafe on the 4th Wednesday of each month. Since 2023, I’ve added two more Death Cafes to my roster. In August 2023, I was invited to host an in-person event in Solana Beach, CA. Then, in October 2023, I took over the Orange County Virtual Death Cafe.

Hosting Is Open to Everyone

I love hosting Death Cafes! Being part of conversations about dying and death fills my spirit. I suggest anyone looking for a community consider hosting their own Death Cafe. You will find that hosting a Death Cafe rewards your time tenfold. Please contact me at melissa@lastactsoflove.com if you have any questions, comments, or want help facilitating your own Death Cafe.