Death Cafes are group-led discussions that incorporate the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of dying and death. They aim “to increase awareness of death to help people make the most of their finite lives.” The key to a successful Death Cafe is to allow the free flow of conversation without any expectations, agendas, themes, or promotions.

Death Cafes are an international phenomenon. Since their inception in 2011 in London, England, they’ve been hosted in 93 countries. Death Cafe Host Lizzy Miles brought them to the US in 2011. Death Cafes are based on the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz. The founder of Death Cafe, Jon Underwood, died in 2017. Since then, a league of volunteers took over the administration of the non-profit Death Cafe movement to honor Jon’s vision by keeping his legacy alive.

Death Cafes are free to attend and are hosted by volunteers who agree to a set of guidelines that keep Death Cafes inclusive to all attendees. These guidelines include no intention of leading participants to any conclusion, product, or course of action. Hosts also agree to keep the Death Cafe open, respectful, and confidential so participants can express their views safely. Hosts may solicit donations to pay for facilitation costs. Finally, Death Cafes require refreshments!

I’ve been hosting monthly Death Cafes since June 2020. The COVID-19 pandemic mandate that shut down in-person gatherings required my local Death Cafes to pivot to an online format. My cohosts were long-time Death Cafe hosts, Frank Stefano and Dr Mitsuo Tomita (retired). Together, we managed to get the word out that our Death Cafe was up and running. I continue to host the San Diego Virtual Death Cafe on the 4th Wednesday of each month. Since 2023, I’ve added two more Death Cafes to my roster. In August 2023, I was invited to host an in-person Death Cafe in Solana Beach, CA. Then, in October 2023, I took over the Orange County Virtual Death Cafe.

I love hosting Death Cafes! Being part of conversations about dying and death fills my spirit. I suggest anyone looking for a community consider hosting their own Death Cafe. You will find that the gift of your time will be rewarded 10-fold. Please contact me at [email protected] if you have any questions, comments, or want help facilitating your own Death Cafe.