Hi, My name is Melissa “Mel” McClave.
We lean on many experts to help us throughout life- teachers, coaches, mentors, and advisors. I’m an expert in the last phase of our life: death.
A final lesson: How it all began
I was inspired to follow this calling in 2016 when...
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I was invited by my teacher and friend, Claudia Mulcahy, to witness the power she wielded over her own dying and memorial process. From Claudia, I learned that communicating your wishes at the end of life and how you want your contributions to the world to be remembered by those who know you and generations to come is the last act of love you can give your loved ones. Since 2018, I’ve helped over 100 people create an atmosphere of love for themselves and their loved ones during treatments, crossover, memorials, and legacy work. Although every death ends the same, you can customize your setting and rituals to reflect best the dying and how they lived.
Claudia Mulcahy
My philosophy
I work with people all over the world to focus on the loving connections that are the underpinning of our relationships. Whether your loved one has two legs or four, I can help navigate the dying process for all concerned.
My death doula training
My training began on a sunny June day in 2018...
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when I attended the “Time To Die Symposium, Transitioning From Hospice to Death.” It was a hands-on, full-day workshop hosted by death doulas Jill Schock (deathdoulala.com) and Alua Arthur (goingwithgrace.com), and mortician Amber Carvaly (clarityfunerals.com). The first module covered the hospice team approach to patient care, POLST forms, and Advance Health Care Directives. The second module covered the ten crucial questions to ask yourself as you prepare for death. The final module covered the rules and regulations that guide body disposition in California. In October 2018, I completed in-person End-of-Life Doula training through the International End-of-Life Doula Association (INELDA) (INELDA.org) in Marina Del Rey, CA. The course was intensive and informative and helped me identify my strengths in death care, which have formed the foundation of my practice.
CSUSM Shiley haynes institute of palliative care
At a Death Cafe I attended in 2019...
CSUSM Conferences and Symposium
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2019-San Diego 4th Annual Palliative Care Conference
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2019- National Symposium for Academic Palliative Care and Research “Advancing Palliative Care: Leading into the Future.”
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2022- San Diego 5th Annual Palliative Care Conference, “Building Bridges: Connecting Our Communities to Palliative Care.”
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2023- San Diego 6th Annual Palliative Care Conference, ” Charting The Course: Supporting Patients and Families Through Serious Illness And Beyond”
- 2024: San Diego 7th Annual Palliative Care Conference, “Minding The Gaps: Serving The Whole Person Through Palliative Care”
- 2025: National Symposium for Academic Palliative Care and Research ” It Takes A Village To Weave Connection and Inclusivity Into Whole Person Care”
multidisciplinary certificate in pediatric palliative care
In addition to completing eleven online classes in 2020, in...
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2021, I completed the coursework required to receive a “Multidisciplinary Certificate in Pediatric Palliative Care.” It gave me insight into the dying process of children, its effects on the child, and how the death of a child affects the family as a whole.
CSUSM SHILEY HAYNES INSTITUTE OF PALLIATIVE CARE ONLINE CLASSES
- Effective Advance Care Planning Fundamentals
- Facilitating On Advance Care Planning Conversations
- Communication Strategies For Shared And Informed Decision Making
- Sharing Serious News
- What Every Health Professional Needs To Know About Palliative Care
- Introduction To Primary Palliative Care
- Working With POLST
- Care Of The Patient At The End Of Life
- Integrating Advance Care Planning Into Your Medical Practice
- Crisis Intervention Concepts
- Crisis Intervention Strategies
American clinicians academy on
medical-aid-in-dying
In 2022, the American...
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Clinicians Academy on Medical-in-Dying (ACAMAID) offered an online verification certificate for registered end-of-life doulas. I gained my certificate of Verification of Completion in April, 2022. At some point, ACAMAID changed their name to American Aid In Dying Medicine (AADM) and currently offers CEUs for medical professionals interested in MAiD. Their website also offers free information guides to help demystify the right to self-determination.
Professional organizations
Current Professional Memberships
2019- International End Of Life Doula Association (INELDA.org)
2019- Charter member of National End-Of-Life Doula Alliance (www.nedalliance.org)
2024- Empowered Endings Foundation
2024- San Diego Coalition for Compassionate Care (SDCCC).
2025- Joined the SDCCC Board
2025- Final Exit Network (FEN)
2026- Exit International
My volunteer work
Hospice By The Sea
My relationship as a volunteer with Hospice By The Sea (www.hospicebythesea.org) began in November 2018 and is still going strong. I'm privileged to be a member of their No One Dies Alone (NODA) program and a regular in-person volunteer visitor bringing relief and comfort to the dying and their loved ones. Starting October 2025, they are hosting my "Meeting of Mortals" in-person discussion group. Join us on the second Friday of every month from 6-7:30 PM.
Compassion and Choices
In 2019, I started volunteering with Compassion & Choices, supporting their mission to improve care, expand options, and empower everyone to plan and record their end-of-life journey. I advocate for their planning tools, represent them at local events, attend their volunteer training seminars, and ask my elected officials to continue to pass laws that allow for greater choice at the end of life. In addition, I facilitate Advance Care Planning workshops.
Death Cafe
After attending a few pre-pandemic, in-person Death Cafes, I decided I wanted to host Death Cafes too. In the spring of 2020, I was invited to cohost a Virtual Death Cafe with my Death Cafe partner, Frank Stefano. I now host four Death Cafes every month, two virtual and two in-person. Please RSVP on the Death Cafe website to join us, or email me and I’ll send you a link.
Hemlock Society of San Diego
I became a volunteer with the Hemlock Society of San Diego in 2024. I host bi-monthly Hemlock Circles for society members and the public who want free discussions around dying and death. We share resources, have agendas, and promote services. Send me an email and I'll add you to the Hemlock Circle notification list.
World Design Capital 2024
In April and November 2024, Eva Navarrete and I co-hosted successful, dual-language Advance Care Planning workshops for the bi-national design initiative, WDC2024. Our workshops, "Compassionate Conversations/Conversaciones Compasivas," aimed to initiate end-of-life conversations among families, colleagues, and communities.
Gloria McClellan Senior Center
I was invited to host "Terminal Talk" at the Vista Senior Center in April 2025. Since then, I host regular Death Cafes, Advance Health Care Planning Discussions, and other end-of-life workshops and lectures.
The listening project US
The Listening Project is a grassroots effort to strengthen human connection through giving people the opportunity to talk uninterrupted about whatever they'd like for five minutes. It's a loosely knit group of listeners based out of North County San Diego.
San Diego Coalition for Compassionate Care
In 2024, I was invited to present a session of the role of Death Doula's in modern healthcare. In 2025. In 2025, I was elected to their board to continue to grow membership and share resources through my community outreach.